I have Seen Disappointment, Betrayal, Loss in One-sided Divorce
Posted: Wednesday, July 06, 2011
by Jean Purcell
OpineBooks.com
Someone bluntly asked me why I feel equipped to write about marriage, separation, or divorce. It was a good question, for which my only answer was: I have been through the first two and barely escaped the third. For me, after becoming a person of faith in Jesus Christ during a separation, I found that God's word that "he will make a way of escape" is true, although it may mean different things. It may mean escape from the powers of the thinking of the day, the 'world's way' of thinking, usually rushed, impulsive, selfish, or off-focus.
Separation and divorce are grieving times, for one or both people. When only one wants a divorce, that one's grieving likely will come much later, if a good marriage was tossed aside for 'greener times' elsewhere. Often, unfaithful spouses that initiate divorce have more than one 'exclusive' relationship or remarriage. The 'green' grows dry or stale, and disappointment often overrides. This is not always the case, but is so more often than advertised.
The ones 'left' often amaze me. 'I need time to figure out what I want to do, but I'll get there,' is something I've heard often. Also, 'I need time to grieve and to help my children get through this.' The scars will remain, but there is 'a future and a hope' that God has for those who trust Him.
What I find true for those I listen to is that they want to make their own decisions, as much as possible. They need good listeners, but not unsolicited advice. They need family that will not judge, choose sides, fuel fires of anger or bitterness, or bring up what has happened. A death has occurred, with the marriage's end. Respect and consideration are required and are the right things to give, by those who know the one who could not prevent the divorce, or the one who had to seek divorce for very personal reasons.
The fact that married people speak of hope for marriage does not mean that they lack feeling or care for divorced people. There is life after an unwanted divorce, and this is a true message that is always good to give. This storm will not last forever. The raw emotions of hurt, shock, and deep disappontment will heal, if allowed to do so, with each step forward, mentally as well as in day to day living.
Fear not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with my righteous right arm. Isaiah 41:10 (italics added here)
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:2-4 NIV-UK
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Jean - glad to see you posting! A dear friend just wrote yesterday with the wrenching news that her husband asked her for a divorce. This is a very timely piece and I sent it on to her! Thanks so much for your insights. I can relate to that "one sided divorce" part also. BUT God does heal and draw us ever closer in his sheltering arms, doesn't he?Marijo, it's good to hear from you too. Yes, God has wonderful future in store for those who hold onto him through the valleys of the shadows. He is near and actively working to help us in ways we often see only much later. Perhaps there is a work of God's kinds of reconciliation for your friend and her husband, something that seems impossible now. Sometimes when we are thinking it is over, God is just beginning to work His plan. I hope and pray for time and influences for this, for your dear friend and her husband.Thanks, Jean! I always appreciate reading of your wisdom and God's hand on your life!Thank you again, Marijo. Your encouragement helps.
Sister Jean! It was such an inspirational article that touched me so deep down my heart.
Thanks for your insights....
Regards, ChiradeepDear Chiradeep, your expression of feeling touches me, too. May these ideas help others. Thank you for commenting.
Well said Jean. People make mistakes and it's a shame when so many are hurt by it. I wonder how many people would reverse their decision to leave if they could? I wonder how many would admit it.Dear Brianna, you are correct. This pain is one that is very hard to "warn" about. And the rush to divorce hurts hopes. It is very hard for the one who forced divorce to admit causing pain, even far down the road. But it does happen, and is also painful to see.
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