Say It Nicely, Please
Posted: Tuesday, September 08, 2009
by Jean Purcell
OpineBooks.com
It's sad that the more familiar we become with people or groups, the more we tend to drift into lazy communication. It's part of our human nature. With people we are close to, we develop familiar codes and tones, which is a good thing, I think. It's part of closeness and trust. Yet, it's a bad thing if we take others for granted and develop the habit of reacting before or without thinking.
These facts should remind all of us that we could make a difference not only with our relationships but how we treat and react to other people, strangers included. We do not have to strike back in words or actions. We do not need to seek revenge, for it will hurt everyone. We need to remember the shortness of life, which God reminded the psalmist.
The Psalms are full of questions about the success of those who are evil, thinking only of themselves and their "kind." The Lord reminds that life is as brief as grass, here one day and cut off the next. One day, the ground will be level for all. No one will have an advantage based on any earthly success. There will be an accounting, with no excuses. Everything will be judged rightly. That is why, also, knowing Christ as one's Advocate before God is a treasure for all who believe.
Whatever families, work colleagues and bosses, politicians, and others have to say out in society, in the free exchange at work and recreation, more kindness is needed urgently. As mothers used to say, "If you can't say something good, say nothing." That sounds out of date to some unless they become the object of cruel taunts or unfair judgments.
Many people among us in homes and outside feel ignored or overlooked. It is vitally important to say something kind to "the least of these," from children to adults in our midst whether in the family or out shopping or doing business. All of us need to give and receive kindness. Whatever the unthinking among us may say, they need to hear: "Please, whatever you have to say, think first, and find a way to say it nicely."
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Thank you, Jean, for your perfectly timed lesson.WonderfulKen, thank you. I'm glad about the timing. One never knows.... ~ Jean
Great article. Well done.A follow what you are saying and I like. I know that the more I know someone the more relaxed I am around them and the less cautious I am about offending them.Hello, Connor - I appreciate your comments. The more we know someone it is true that we can be more direct--yet still keep that tone that speaks the kindness of respect. Thanks for writing. ~ Jean
Very nicely said, Jean.I wish all could read your article. There are good lessons in there for all.Thank you for sharing that,NancyHi Nancy, I appreciate your thoughts. Let's pass the kindness on. ~ Jean
hi jean,i am a talker and a smiler, and i may even touch an arm or two while talking. i have found that there are more people who will respond positiviely while showing them kindness, than won't.kindness should be like yawning-once one does it, it goes down the line.thank you for sharing :)my best,sueHi Sue - good points and I wish you continued talking, smiling, and touching. A kind word takes practice for some, and I have even been accused of flattery when just expressing a true positive reaction. But "Nevermind," I think some confuse practicing kindness with "being a door mat," so they shy away from showing it. It is not that at all!Love your new photo. Hope all going well.Jean
We seldom hear "Thank You" and well. Or, when you smile at someone, you get a nasty look.
I guess when you text or email all the time, you don't have to have good manners. Either that or parents no longer teach their children manners.
Thank you for bringing that fact home.New Comment!Hello Michele - It is up to our scattered band that feel the way we do about these things to just stick with it. I know exactly what you mean about the looks. Some of it where I live comes from suspicion, as in "what do you want from me?" I have heard of that happening when neighbors took baked goods to a new neighbor. The man/new to neighborhood asked the realtor that sold him his house: "What do they want?" She gently explained they wanted nothing; they just wanted to give a nice welcome to a new neighbor. This really happened between the DC area, from which he moved, and the eastern shore of Maryland-over the Bay bridge, to which he moved. He must have become so used to the other view that it became part of him. I hope he became more comfortable with such good neighbors.Let's keep the kindness going and maybe now and this it will stick when we least expect. Thanks for writing, Jean
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