Life to the End
Posted: Wednesday, March 04, 2009
by Jean Purcell
OpineBooks.com
Tim Bowen makes sense about life and death. I met him this morning in the newspaper. He wrote of "very special moments--moments of living life to the fullest," and he focused on "what might be."
Bowen's focus on the "now" of life, the treasured moments, told me that he knows the issues of life. He also knows about assisted suicide and hospice care debates.
Reading his words, I caught a simple new awareness about assisted suicide: It is as much (or more) about life as it is about death.
The very special moments of life include people who are old, ill, or incapacitated. The very special moments "might have been missed completely," as Tim Bowen said, had those who thought of assisted suicide had gone for it.
Life and Death are like two weights of a double scale. Assisted suicide sits on the Death side and assisted living with constant care weighs heavily on the Life side.
Helen, a big influence on many people's lives, expected to die three nights ago. Helen not only thought Sunday night was her last; she welcomed the thought and we heard her anticipation of Heaven. She has been hospitalized countless times in the past 20 years, yet never has she seemed to give up or want to die.
But on Sunday night Helen believed that the end was near. Those with her heard her good-byes to visitors and callers, through labored breathing. Her feelings were amazingly strong for her condition, and she was still life-filled with good memories, and love.
She had been in the hospital for one day. The medical prognosis was very bad--heart failing and lungs filling with fluid. She had IV hydration drip, catheter, IV for heavy pain meds, heart-help patch, and an oxygen mask.
Helen is in end-of-life care at North Florida Regional Hospital in Gainesville, and her children have prepared to register her for hospice care, on doctor's advice. There is no doubt she needs attentive medical care and comfort.
For many like Helen, death appears to be standing close by. In her mind, continuing to live has suddently come to represent feeling that she is becoming a burden.
Yet the large, four-generation extended family here has witnessed what Tim Bowen was talking about in the newspaper today. There are "special moments of living life to the fullest," he wrote, that not only the patient will miss; those who have been part of that life will be robbed of special moments. Those who help that life end before its appointed time will be robbing others of full moments of any life and love.
One cannot help wondering if many people are forgetting or have never known many special moments of life. Helen is blind, but she has never been blind to life and all its moments. An excellent cook and artist, loyal friend, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother and great-grandmother, she has always lived life to the full, in realness and goodness, a saint with human weaknesses.
What would Helen already have missed, if her time to die had come on Sunday evening as she expected?
She would have missed seeing her oldest sister for the first time in several years. She would have missed giving that gift. Both of them would have missed the heartfelt laughter, tears, hugs, and kisses exchanged in a hospital room for a brief, memorable time.
She would have missed seeing her oldest grandchild, who lives far away and arrives tomorrow, with a special blanket bought months ago, for "the next time I see Grammy." How quickly the need to give immediately can come.
Helen and everyone else had accepted that she likely had a short time to live. Everyone, including Helen, was wrong. Now, we know that hope has sent forth a little spark in Helen, too. Unpredictably her situation and her expectations seem to have begun to make a slow U-turn.
This is a very nice article which reminds us our time here is not necessarily of our choosing. Thanks for writing.Michael, I agree with your comment. Often the difficult stages of life remind us of very important truths. Life is a daily gift.Thank you for writing. Jane
hi jane,what a beautifully written article, with a twist at the end.i've never known what to believe about assissted suicide, for i had a different experience with my mother. she was riddled with cancer, in every cell and bone in her body, and her heart would not stop, as a result, she spent 3 months in the hospital, losing weight and getting weaker with every day. she was on so much morphine that the doctors would tell the family that she wouldn't know we were there, and yet, she did, and would talk to us, but she was suffering, and holding on out of worry for her kids, husband, and family. once we told her it was okay to let go, she did, but those 3 months were very difficult to watch, knowing she would never recover.i think there should be certain criteria set in place. my mom was going to lie in that bed until her heart gave out, pure and simple, and the doctors told us every day that she'd never make it through the night. all 4 of her kids were close with her, so we saw her often. so, i still don't know how i feel about it, but thank you for a lovely story of hope and the power of the spirit,best regards,sueDear Sue, Your mother went through a lot, and my heart is touched that you commented. It affects the loved ones deeply. Thank you for your comments and honest questions. I think so much at the end of life baffles us. I am glad that no storm lasts forever. We could not survive that. A friend, Jane
Thanks for writing this wonderful article. SteveDear Steve, Your thank you is much appreciated. I am thankful that Tim Bowen wrote that wonderful op-ed that inspired me to open up and share. Thank you for helping me know it was worth the writing. Jane
Your wonderful article brought a story to mind. The other evening I was holding a funeral visitation. The deceased was 91 years old and I listened to family members tell wonderful, warm and humourous stories about her. Her son told me that the day before his mother died, he asked her how to make bread pudding. She was apparently a great cook, and her son wanted to see if her mind was still as sharp as it had always been. His mother went on to tell him in detail how to make a bread pudding. (She had not lost any of her memory; still very sharp.) When the son left the room, his mom complained to the others in the room, "I wish that boy would write the recipe down, so he doesn't have to keep asking me." The whole family laughed and could not stop talking about it. They enjoyed their mother's company and wit right up to the end.Dear David, The timing for you to hear that story was perfect for us, and thank you for passing it along. Your story has been shared with family here and is so like what we are experiencing. Life is a vital force. God bless you. Jane
I enjoyed reading this article very much, thanks for sharingDear David, I am glad you enjoyed the article. It's part of Helen's continual giving just by being here. Thanks for taking time to comment. This topic has me by the collar. Jane
