Shy People, Make a Mark!
Posted: Sunday, February 22, 2009
by Jean Purcell
OpineBooks.com
The scene sticks firmly in my mind: A group of people from different parts of the U. S. gathered in Oklahoma City to meet with local business people. The goal was to introduce an international mission and to try to engage them as contributors or mentors.
I was there only because my husband is on the board of the mission organization. I have been on a few trips with him, including to England and Ethiopia. When you go far away from home, especially to places out in the field, you get to know others better than if you held meetings in a comfortable hotel.
I get a chance to talk with some board members one-on-one during breaks or meals, wherever the meetings. I have sat in on a few meetings. You can imagine that after several years I see personality differences. For example, some people are more quiet or talkative than others.
On this board two of the most confident are a man and woman from different parts of the U. S. The young man is single and the woman is a wife and mom. Both have active professional lives. Neither of these people lacks the appropriate words. They are friendly, creative, and willingly share their lives, especially one-on-one.
Also, on the board, they are among those not hesitant to raise questions. Their comments lend much to the deliberations.
Imagine, then, my amazement when on the Oklahoma City trip, I learned unexpected things about these two gregarious people. We were in a large dining room on the top floor of a high-rise. We awaited the arrival of the guests. Tables were nicely arranged. There were appetizers. Board members, knowing each other pretty well, seemed comfortable.
I stood with a group at one of the ceiling-to-floor windows high up over the city. People were mixing and soon there were only three of us in a clump by the windows-the young man I mentioned, who travels extensively for helping projects all over the world, and the wife/mother I mentioned. She's a successful consultant, with a quirky, fun sense of humor.
The three of us began to voice our musings about how the evening might go. Would the business people grab onto the needs and opportunities for giving and helping?
Then, the woman cut into her own talkativeness to say, "I am not good at these kinds of things. I am basically shy."
What?! I thought. No Way!
Then the world-traveling professor pipes up, "I am too! I don't know what to say to people! I'm never good at these kinds of things."
What? You too? No Way! I thought. But I could see from their expressions that both were serious.
She continued, "I don't know why this is. I can talk forever in front of a lot of people, but at something like this, I'm a clam!"
"Me, too!" said the professor.
"What?" No way!" I finally blurted out. "Neither of you is shy! I would never think of you as shy!" Each one answered with fiercely nodding heads that said, before they spoke it, "YES! I am!"
This revelation upset my assumptions. It also reassured me. I understood exactly what they meant, although I would never have expected it of either of them.
I share that kind of shyness. I am comfortable spilling my guts in writing to readers that are absolute strangers to me (well, I don't spill that much, but I share more than I can in a group of strangers face to face).
Public speaking about a subject dear to my heart is no problem either. Standing up for others or pushing, even to the point of nuisance, for something I believe in is no problem.
But shyness often kicks in, in public. My quiet, few-words husband will go up to a stranger to start a conversation (that's how our relationship started) while I, the seeming extrovert, can be overwhelmed with shyness among a group of strangers.
After many experiences, rising to various challenges, launching projects and taking the initiative to organize people or ideas, I remain shy in many ways. This I write about now because there must be a lot of us in this world.
The reason a public speaker does not mix with the crowd afterward may not be only because of tiredness or jet-lag. It could be due to situational shyness.
Last Saturday, my husband and I went to a church ordination service. A big, joyous reception followed, with lunch appetizers, entrees, and desserts. There was a large crowd.
My husband was already initiating a conversation with an important guest of the occasion while I timidly waited to get into a line that was, at best, roughly formed. I could not tell where it ended, where to step in.
Finally, after a woman urged me to step in, I took the plunge and got some food. Then, I tried to make my way out of the food table to tables and chairs at the back of the room.
As I waited for a cut through, my plate precariously out in front, a man looked at me and said, "Come on through!"
With relief, I did, saying, "Oh, thank you so much!"
Then he said a wonderful thing. A hand extended in a gesture of "Right this way," he said, "Go ahead! Make a mark!"
"Make a mark!" When I rejoined my husband at the table, I mulled the comment over, telling myself I need to work harder at overcoming this shyness thing that pops up here and there.
Within minutes as we munched, I thought of the young woman who had sat on our row. Just the three of us in a short section. I had seen her in line, a few people behind us as we went into the reception area. I had thought of going to her, to introduce myself, then noticed her talking on her cell phone at one point. No one talked with her. Most people seemed to know each other.
Then, I saw her way across the room as I started to stuff my face with delicious salad and share a bread roll with my husband. "I need to see someone," I said, getting up. I found the young woman in a line.
"Excuse me, but I figured since we were on the same row during the service, we should be introduced." She gave a beaming smile.
"Would you like to come and sit with us?" I asked.
"Oh," she smiled again, "I'm going to leave as soon as I get a little food to take with me."
We talked as her line moved slowly. She lives not many miles from us. She knows the ordinand from school days. Her parents came to the U. S. as refugees, sponsored by a church.
As we ended the conversation I told her, "I enjoyed talking to you, and I thought we should. I don't think we were on the same row today by accident."
That's when she beamed!
I hope we meet again.
All of us make a mark. She did, by traveling for the service very important to her friend. She went alone. Although perhaps shy, she accepted my effort to make a connection.
Believe me, I take all of these things as from God. Any of us can write about our shyness or how we finally reached out to someone. People do that all the time. Yet, how long does it take us to realize that God is helping us?
Aren't you grateful for people who have made large marks on your life? Can you think of no one?! Then let me offer this writing of encouragement! Some who make marks have very quiet ways. Others are brashly bold. Whatever, they make a difference for good.
Shy people out there, you who can talk off a cow's ear in some circumstances and clam up in others, don't let it go at that. Keep working at it with me, will you? Make a mark! We should not let opportunities to take the initiative for good pass us by. If we do, won't someone else be passed up?
I don't talk to strangers outside safe environments. I don't consider anyone a non-stranger unless we have lots of mutual friends. I'm not saying to stop for anyone who flags you down when you're alone, who might not have good things in mind.
But there are many safe places in public to make many marks, one to one! Let's find a way through and out of situational shyness.
To God be the glory!
This Article has been viewed 916 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Dear Jane, I feel terrible I had not read this sooner. I saw it and was saving it as dessert. Well, I used it as a main course and dessert and I am stuffed! This is a delightful article. You were very encouraging to those faced with 'situational shyness' to accept themselves as they are and work through it. I learned more about you in this piece and confirmed suspicions. I gathered you could be somewhat shy. Your gift is in writing, for sure. I consider myself a shy extrovert. Sounds like an oxymoron, eh? *smile*
Enjoy weekend and blessing from our Lord to you and yours.Hi, Avis! For whatever reason, I'm not getting those SW e-mails that tell us we have a comment. I happened to see all of this today "by accident," as I am running behind and wanted to let SW know it may continue a few days...or not. Thank you so much. How in the world did you suspect my shyness??! Very astute! I am a very outgoing person! *smile" True, yet there is that level of shyness that a friend identified and I began to think a lot about. What an encourager you are to me! So glad you were filled!
In Christ,
Jane
Hi Jane. What a great article. Yes, God is constantly talking to us throughout the day - isn't He funny, the way He works? What a great phrase - make a mark. I wonder if this gentleman knew how much that would make such an impression. I too am shy but no one would know it. With each attempt at overcoming shyness (maybe I should qualify that to make it say each successful attempt) you get a little more comfortable. Thank you for sharing this look at hidden shyness and how God speaks to us and moves us through each other.Hi, Mary,
I really latched onto your comments, and thank you for sending them. What you wrote--"I wonder if this gentleman knew how much that would make such an impression" --is good fodder for an article. I imagine he had no idea how much. It's another example of how simple words even to a stranger can break open a theme of a lifetime. Yes, God is always helping us, and I long more than anything always to be "marked" by His great love.
Blessed weekend,
Jane
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.